The Rules of Toilet Paper 2011

While sitting on the toilet, I've pondered many things.

One thing that bothers me is the amount of toilet people some people use. I swear, I've seen a girl wrap half a roll around her hand to wipe one time. Seriously, you don't need that much. Toilet paper should be rationed out. The government should literally monitor the amount of toilet paper the people use and tax people like crazy for over-usage. However, in the meantime, I have some simple rules for conserving toilet paper:

1) If it is the nasty fast-food restaurant paper-on-a-roll TP, you must wrap about 2 feet of paper down to a square of comfortable amounts to fit over your hand. The key here is, you want to fold it enough times to not rip during the wipe, but don't just crumple it. A little bit of order never hurt.

2) If it's 2 ply, you must understand there is 2 different types of 2 ply. There is the quilted and non-quilted. Quilted 2 ply is often found in America's residential bathrooms. By far, my favorite TP. Usually with this TP, two sheets folded over once will be good for a nice wipe. For the heavier leakages, 3 squares should be sufficient. Now people who work in office environments need to be careful to spot out the non-quilted 2 ply. Sometimes, this is tricky, because the manufacturers put little prints on the TP to almost make it look quilted. All them blue-collar guys (and gals) should use 3 or 4 squares, to avoid rippage, depending on the situation.

3) 3 ply sucks. Seriously, who uses 3 ply? What's next, grated TP? Wiping with 3 ply will cause cause rug burn and should be avoided at all costs.

4) 1 ply, the lesser known cousin of 2 ply, is sometimes found in peoples homes. Mostly in the homes of parents that don't want their children living at home anymore. (My parents stock quilted 2-ply, FYI) You're on your own with this one. What can I say, I can't do everything for all you people. You live and you learn, right?

5) The absolute worst TP ever? Cottonelle. This stuff has ridges in it that causes it to rip if you hold it one way and come unrolled if you hold it the other. Who designed this stuff? I don't know, but I hope he was awarded a lifetime supply of his crappy TP for doing it.

Free / Indie Game Review: Hobo 4: Total War - A Little Love

Title:        Hobo 4: Total War
Platform:     Flash - Plays in browser
Sponsor:      Armor Games
Site:         http://www.flonga.com/play/hobo-4-total-war.htm
My Rating:    8. Well-Targeted, Short-Lived Fun

   Hobo 4: Total War is the most current entry in a series of brawlers that I have given a beaten to ratings-wise. The Hobo series is a fairly well targeted series of short and easy brawlers that will give any older gamer all the laughs and giggles they need to get through the day. My desire to see something new in this series has clouded my vision to what is really there.
   Hobo 4: Total War, being a true successor to the series, takes place a few days after the events in Hobo 3: Wanted. Now our Hobo has taken infamous to the next level and is being sought by the army. Hobo must punch kick, belch, and crap his way through three different areas, killing everybody that stands in his way.
   While I was not happy with the added guns in Hobo 3, I find the new additions in Hobo 4 to be pretty fun to use. They do go a long way to making the game easier overall, but it is fun to be a powerhouse like that.
   As always, the combos are just hilarious. Hobo's most powerful weapons are his body fluids. By pressing different combinations of 'A', 'S', and 'D', you can release all kinds of body fluids on all of the foes. The whole scene with beautiful graphics, nice sound effects, and facial expressions of the victims is almost too much to bare.
   While I would like to see something new from this series, I can no longer deny just how entertaining the Hobo games are. The game play itself may be a bit easy, but the fighting is too funny to miss out on. If you have five minutes, head over to Flonga and check it out for yourself.

Review: God of War - Super Epic

*********************************************
* Title:        God of War (Collection)     *
* Platform:     PlayStation 3               *
* Release Date: November 27, 2009           *
* Developer:    Bluepoint Games             *
* Publisher:    Sony Computer Entertainment *
* My Rating:    9.7. Excellent              *
*********************************************

   I think I may be the last person in the world that may have an interest in God of War, but had not played it yet. God of War is an epic action game a la Soul Reaver and Prince of Persia that was originally released for the PlayStation 2. God of War already has two successors, and the first and second have been re-released as a high definition collection for the PlayStation 3. On a whim, I decided I would have my wonderful wife pick it up to me. Now, many years after its original release, I understand just how awesome God of War really is.
   The story in God of War is set in Greek mythology. The main character, Kratos starts as a commander of a small army, but eventually leads a legion. During a particularly nasty battle, Kratos turns to the God of War, Ares, for assistance. Ares offers Kratos a gift, the Chains of Olympus. However, the gift is a cursed gift. These chains are permanently affixed to Kratos and Kratos is set off to do Ares' bidding. Kratos, and his army, ravages village after village in the name of Ares. One day, they come to one building and Kratos is given a warning not to slay the people inside. In his fury, he does slay the people, only to realize it was his wife and daughter. At this point, all Kratos wishes to do is seek revenge against the God of War for tricking him into this debauchery. The game, God of War, follows Kratos on his journey to seek his revenge against Ares.
   Most of the game play in God of War can be described as jumping and slashing. You guide Kratos through Hades, trying to find a way back to the surface. This involves running through different underworld environments, solving puzzles to get past certain areas, and defeating epic monsters. The fighting is solid. The Chains of Olympus, and later, the Blade of Artemis, have to be the most awesome weapons I have ever used in a video game.
   God of War really was a showcase game for showing the PlayStation 2's power. Even though I played it on the PlayStation 3, the sound and graphics showed the true power of a system that developers had already had their hands on for many years. I do not believe there is a PlayStation 2 game that looks better than God of War. While there was only a handful of monster types, the bosses were all uniquely amazing. Every bit of playing God of War makes you feel as if you are living the stories in The Odyssey.
   Without a doubt, God of War is one of the best franchises out there if you like action games. If you are truly a Sony PlayStation fan, you have no reason to not have played this fantastic game already. If you are not yet a PlayStation believer, this could be the game that makes it all worth your while. Get your copy and play today!

Free / Indie Game Review: Hobo 3: Wanted - A Step in the Wrong Direction

Title:        Hobo 3: Wanted
Platform:     Flash - Plays in browser
Sponsor:      Armor Games
Site:         http://www.flonga.com/play/hobo-3-wanted.htm
My Rating:    6. More Guns = Less Fun

   Hobo 3: Wanted is the third game in a series of Flash games I have taken an interest in. The Hobo series is a series of quick brawlers that will take most gamers straight back to childhood memories of Double Dragon and Battletoads. My interest came in to see if the developer would do anything to build on the genre or just put out a series of games with mediocre play on a well-worn and already hung out to dry genre.
   I will not go into detail describing the story, control, audio, or graphics in Hobo 3: Wanted, as it is all the same as the past two games. The story only progresses the plot to right where Hobo Prison Brawl leaves off, Hobo on the run after his prison break.
   The big addition to this entry was more guns. Now, in addition to a pistol, enemies can drop combat shotguns and SMGs. Both only serve to make the action much easier the Hobo Prison Brawl. For me, this took some of the fun out of the game. I like brawlers to be brutal. Hobo 3: Wanted is more like the teddy bear of brawlers. It is cute and fluffy, but just as soft on the inside. The developer could have added something to make the gameplay more fun; instead, they chose to add more of what worked in the second game. This led to a horribly unbalanced experience in the thought that all you needed to do to get to the end was run after the guns.
   I really hope the fourth and last game (so far) in the series goes out on a limb and tries something new. I keep playing because the presentation is very funny; however, as a game lover, I really want something more. Head on over to Flonga and give it a try. When you are done, let me know what you think.

Free / Indie Game Review: Hobo Prison Brawl - More Fun than the First

Title:        Hobo Prison Brawl
Platform:     Flash - Plays in browser
Sponsor:      Armor Games
Site:         http://www.flonga.com/play/hobo-prison-brawl.htm
My Rating:    7. I definitely see some improvement,
                 but I want more!

   Hobo Prison Brawl is the sequel to Hobo, a throwback type brawler that I reviewed a week or two ago. I had some complaints about Hobo, namely the fact that it was just an uninspired brawler that did not add anything new as well as the fact that it was very easy to beat. Hobo Prison Brawl raises the bar just a little, mainly by being much more amusing and a tad-bit more difficult.
   Hobo Prison Brawl picks up right where Hobo leaves off. The Hobo is in jail, seemingly enjoying his stay. However, other inmates cannot stand his lack of personal hygiene. One day, one inmate pushes Hobo too far, and a new rampage begins. You play the Hobo, once again punching, kicking, and dispensing body fluids, but this time on other inmates and cops.
   The controls are very simple in Hobo Prison Brawl. I tend to think they are actually very well implemented. You can do the combos with intent, which is the way every game should be. While I can admit that button mashing works just as well in this game, it still feels good to be able to bust off the combos at will. The only newly added addition to this game was guns. While being faced against somebody with a gun without having a gun yourself is frustratingly difficult, the game gets a little fun for a minute while you have a gun yourself.
   The animations and sounds in Hobo Prison Brawl go together incredibly well to have you just cracking up laughing. The mix is funny enough to keep you playing. The Hobo is constantly throwing up or worse on people. The new combos spray feces and snot all over the screen. Watching the enemies get the stuff on them is amusing to watch. It is too bad that the gameplay is rather uninteresting, because the graphics and sound effects are great.
   After playing Hobo, the only reason I decided to continue with the series was to see if maybe it did get better. While Hobo Prison Brawl does not make leaps and bounds in progress, it is fun enough to have me curious for the third entry in the series. Keep reading to see if the Hobo series continues to make progress or falls back to the mediocre ways of the original game. In the meantime, head over to Flonga and give it a try.

Root Canals

   Root canals are like individually packaged buckets of joy. Not really, but if you are like me, the need for a root canal is synonymous with a long overdue visit to the dentist. If you are even more like me, you have been living with tooth pain for years. Therefore, no matter how long you sit at the dentist, how much it costs, or how much drilling they do, you do feel at least a little relieved after the visit.
   So, much of my day wasted away and many hundreds of dollars more poor, I simply do not feel like writing a video game blog today and shall not. Thanks for reading. Click to follow in the sidebar. For those that are counting, two and a half weeks until moving.